things from the not so distant past

I've been digging up some of my stuff from when I was in Baltimore. I was trying to look for something else but ended up looking at my old stuff one by one, piece by piece. It was quite fun doing so. I actually am not done yet as I just started with it. I saw some baseball cards, movie tickets (a bunch of them in a small box), pictures, little notebooks, the like.

It was nice seeing them again and getting to think of all those things. The best thing about it is that most are still fresh in my mind. What I'd like to find next are those tickets to baseball games, that pre-season Ravens ticket (oh wait, i have it inside a book. never mind.), the US Open ticket (washed by the rain, though I have it in my external hard drive). Some things pretty much sum up my existence and those couple of papers or what not's, tell a story of my history and describes me in more ways than I know to describe myself.

the year is near to a close

 its a week before Christmas and this is the time when we are all rushing to get our Christmas list done. unfortunately for me, I havent started one yet. I have gift ideas but I cannot figure out which to really give. I'd love to give everyone gifts but since getting my first paycheck, ive been saving for the rainy day, or in this case, im saving for 2012.

no, im not getting married.

im trying to save for another set of tuition and fees, thanks to graduate studies. this will be for real graduate studies. i still have to decide between law school or a masters course in either governance or politics, well those are all the options i have, and it is tough to think of. there are the career options open for either courses and the likelihood that i'll stick to what i really want. REALLY WANT is a debate right now as to WHAT THEY WANT. good to really ponder on for a long time.

so in the spirit of off-season (no work), i am given the chance to think of my future as a student again. as long as by this time next year, i should have taken entrance tests already, and that civil service exam by summer. oh, need to hit those books again i guess....

The Time That Has Passed Is Yet to be Revisited

 It hasn't been revisited.

Nah! I'm not really sure, but I think the least that I can do to not be fully indebted with my blog is just give ti a little time and write something on it. I've missed blogging for a long time, yet the lack of substance has offered me no choice but to avoid blogging until further notice.

And notice the use of the words "lack of substance", I am partly talking about mojitos and margaritas there.

My months have revolved from being self-centered to all-centered. I've been a human for everyone. Who knew it was a big responsibility? I'm not superwoman (oh no way!), but I've been much responsible for a lot of things than I could've imagined almost a year ago.

It's tough but I'm having quite some fun.

But you do realize that you want to turn back the clock and pick out the decision apart from what you've decided on. You start asking the different "what if's" and ask yourself, "would I have been better off that way?"

I never questioned my decisions, and I am happy to have decided the way I did and be on the shoes I'm wearing now. Yet there are times when you feel that there are gaps in your life that a professional career hasn't filled yet. There are questions in life yet to be answered, and there are places yet to be discovered.

At times I think I've made the wrong decision because I've given up on the me-centered life. In the midst of a hustle, its always nice to get back to having a quite fun loving life, a carefree life.

Yet I cannot live the always me-centered life. For one, its expensive and you need to live for the next day as well. Second, there's a need to grow up, and growing up involves leaving yourself and thinking about other people as well.

At present, I like the busy life. I get to spend time not thinking about me and just do what I have to do. Robots are designed that way, be busy. It's good sometimes because you get to make use of your youth at the service of others. You think of what you have to do the next day, and the next, and the following day. You think of it as not JUST the next day, but you get CHALLENGED that it is the next day.

retirement

i have forced my shoes to an early retirement, i realized as i walked the crazy sidewalk in the middle of Ortigas beside EDSA that it has to retire before it breaks down and lose its wonderful life in infinite sadness.

for all the long walks, the short walks, the lazy walks, the fast walks.
for all the jeans, the work pants, the reds, blues, whites, blacks
for all the traveling around the streets of Manila, to crossing the lanes of Ortigas
the strolls around Baltimore City and running with the crowd in New York City
or the feel of walking high in DC.
from the malls to the halls of the lower house
and basically, just for all the stress that i gave you, thank you.

and now, as i set the shoes back on the rack, i welcome a new pair of black shoes. Crocs (registered trademark) is a good pair for my feet, especially when they're a little high. its level, its comfort is something i trust when i walk around a lot. in my job, i do walk around a lot, and using this pair would surely help me... hopefully.

i'll tell you more later updates about my new pair.

Baseball Philippines

I was chilling out at home on a Thursday afternoon after I started the day early with a breakfast meeting. I wasn't feeling too well also when I got home and I ended up laying around with the remote control on my hand. I usually don't watch local channels except when I know that something I usually watch is on, but this time I was happy I did stumble onto this channel. They were showing the Baseball Philippines Finals Series between my home Manila and another city Cebu. It was the airing of a game that happened last Tuesday and they were showing pretty much the important innings. Manila Team won the game and it was evident on the second inning why it ended that way.

I started watching during the bottom of the 2nd inning where the game was tied at 3 runs, 1 on first base who was hit by a pitch, and the batter has been getting pitches that has almost came in close contact to his shoulder. Then the pitcher from Cebu team pitched again, a pitch that had relatively slow speed that hit the batter on his shoulder. I don't know what type of pitch he used, but it seemed like a change up that gone wrong. That pitcher obviously didn't have command of the ball. The next plays were like the worst one can imagine. 2 men on base. Man on 2B gets to steal 3rd. Batter gets to drive a single that gets an RBI, him safe on 1B, but the other guy out on 2nd. Another batter comes on the plate, gets to drive a low single but because of an error by the catcher, 1B gets to steal up to 3B. Batter on the plate and he drives an RBI making Manila earn 5 runs total in 2 innings. That was the only time that the Cebu team decided to change their pitcher after all the damage has been done. It was quite funny, if you can imagine what I wrote.

The next inning they showed was the 5th inning. The Cebu team was absolutely in a rut with their pitching. Their batting was quite okay though, except for that guy who swung at a VERY LOW pitch. Seriously, I think that guy wanted out. There was one also where the umpire first called it a "ball" but even on my view, it was really a strike. I ended up shouting at my TV screen just as they announced that there was a change on that previous call and it was really a strike. It was sad that these guys seem to have little idea how important their job is. The other innings were uneventful including the part where no one made any hits or had any runs, though I believe there was another error during the 7th inning. After the 7th inning, I fell asleep.

Though it seems as if I have been disappointed, I am actually excited to have seen a game. I imagine that my next move will be to watch their games live, but I have to find out how this whole shebang goes. Baseball isn't too popular in the Philippines and this league is definitely small compared to basketball or some other sport. The stadium where they were holding the game is a 40 minute drive from my place, so I can just see myself driving there soon. Watching the game on TV also made me want to get involve with the baseball scene here too, and by involvement is to help the sport be known and be supported more, amongst which, by the Philippine Sports Commission. I want to help these players who are striving to show their talent in one of the most unpopular sport around here, to continue their dream of pioneering in this field. I want to help out Filipinos to continue their love for the sport that I fell in love with too.

It seems too big of a dream but its never wrong to be hopeful. It takes small steps to reach a wonderful goal like this and if it entails hard work then I'd be up for it. Somehow I'm trying to figure out how to start getting to the association handling this (properly called "Baseball Philippines"), and if I should start with constant tweeting, blogging, and putting them on my friends list on Facebook, then I surely have done some steps to get to the goal. Its never too late to start a dream when that dream entails you to help more people you can imagine of helping.

sleep

 its 530pm on a Monday and I realized that I slept most of the day. i know i fell asleep at around 12 midnight last night after sipping some wine from the work party, then came home to drink my usual vitamins and then added the antihistamine. then i realized it was 9am. But that didnt stop there, coz next i realized it was 10am. wow! how did that happen? guess i fell asleep again. between 10 to 1045 i still had naps, until my mom called me and told me she was going to my grandma's. i didnt go with her but that was a cue that i have to wake up too. so some things in between (ie: check emails, watch TV, read tweets, post tweets, shower), at 12nn i was out of the door to the mall across my building to eat lunch. i felt like having spaghetti, due mainly to me celebrating my Uncle's birthday (noodles for long life they say), then I ate, met up with my mom for a bit, she had me run some errands for her, then I got a huge cup of coffee (thanks CBTL), then I was back inside my pad at 230pm.

then by 3pm, I was sleeping again and just woke up not too long ago.

right now, i feel like i just carried a luggage on my eyes. i still cant open it properly. this feeling cant absolutely be right. it feels really weird. I've never felt like a log in my whole life until now. a worthless log even. i guess im thankful that today our group didnt have an office yet or else i would've started my day way early. at least right now i can take a break, sleep, and do my homeworks when my stubborn eyes have cooperated with me. but it doesnt say that i dont feel like sh*t coz of this. when these things happen, u just feel like uve lost a chunk of ur life and unable to get it back.

or maybe to compensate for lost hours, i gotta stay awake the whole night. lets see how that goes then.

Dear Blog Reader...

Dear Blog Reader,

If you may have noticed I don't write here too much. You can dig me up on Twitter. That's where I've been hanging out. I also think that by this coming year, I won't be able to blog as much, so be warned. I might be wrong, but right now, that's what I think it will be. Don't say I didn't tell you.

Oh yes, originally I started this post to tell you that I don't have a list of movies for 2009 yet. Wait until the end of the day. I will try to post it. Don't expect a decade list of anything though, I may not do it. Not yet.

Yours Truly,
Fish Tank

What 2009 Meant to Me

2009 has been a roller coaster of events for me. It was coincidental that 2009 was the year I was 25, that even before I turned exactly 25 I felt like it already. Those times I kept thinking to myself, what is it really to be 25?

2009 was when I tried to fall in love, and failed. I think I fell in love with myself more.

2009 was when I spent a whole lot of hours being cheer-ful. I was cheering for my Orioles and Ravens a lot.

2009 was when I was 25. As what Britney Spears would sing, "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman". Maybe actually I am a girl who enjoyed life a lot, and a woman who took charge and be responsible of herself.

2009... I had 3 phones. My phone last year got replaced coz it was broken. My replacement pretended it was lost. The replacement#2 is alive but had just lost its back cover. I'm getting an iPhone soon 2010. Weeh!

2009 I have numerous books. Trying to collect all Harry Potter at the same time was one of the reasons (I haven't got 5 &6 yet). Now, it is being shipped to the Philippines arriving on February.

2009 I had iTunes download galore! Every quarter, I had at least $50 spent on iTunes.

2009 was when I watched more TV shows than I usually would. Who would've thought I still watched TV? Thanks to Lost, HIMYM, White Collar, Community, The Office, and of course my guilty pleasure called Glee, for being a part of my TV and internet life (coz I watched most of them on the net). Thanks to MLB, NFL, and tennis for having The Orioles (plus Mets and Yankees), the Ravens, and Roger Federer in my life.

2009 was when I proved to be a sports nut. Orioles @ Camden Yards= 12 games. Orioles @ Yankee Stadium= 1. Mets @ Shea Stadium=1. Orioles @ Nationals Stadium=1. US Open=1.

2009 was when I didn't really look forward too a lot of movies, neither read reviews, but then showed up in the theater a lot. I was either disappointed or happy about some movies.

2009... I dont know how to describe it more.

2010 will be different, a whole lot different you may say, but I will forever cherish 2009.

and 2009, I was emo. hihihi!

the end of a weekend

there are times when i hate Sunday's. Sunday's mean that the weekend is ending and its time for me to get back to my routine. there are times, such as today, when i chill out the whole day and realize that i enjoyed chilling out and this has got to end. why does this have to end?!?!

this weekend was not one of the fabulous weekends. for one, my grandma is leaving in five days and the possibility of me going back home also opened up on my mind again. i don't want to go back home yet i know that i need to and i would have to. while talking to my friend earlier, i got too giddy with her story that i wanted to be home. i wanted to be within that zone that she was talking about. i wanted to see how things unfold in her life myself. its too exciting that it makes you wish that you can warp yourself back home at times, and then be back here.

but life doesn't work that way.

you cannot choose to put your life inside a box and make your own life. you can make it, yes, but then there are some things that you have to sacrifice in order to get what u want. when i decided three years ago that i will live here instead of home, i chose to sacrifice a lot of things in my life. my family, my friends, everything that i lived with my whole life, i sacrificed them all. if i choose to go home by the end of this run, i will be sacrificing all that i have enjoyed during my stay here. family, friends, and all those little things that i get to enjoy every single day. i will miss them all.

i have been opening myself to the possibility of coming home. i don't know what prompted me with this thought, but i guess preparing for some of these possibilities allow you to be ready for what could be and what might be. at least you're wearing a seat belt, you've put your foot on the brakes, and slowed down ahead of time.

clutter free

for the past weeks i have been erasing messages on my email and facebook inbox. it was easy because it wasn't a lot, so i just read through them, digest a bit, and spit out a whole lot before i even erase them. but it was only during the last 20 minutes before i started writing this blog post when i erased a lot of messages from my phone. i erased a lot of crap, but i didnt get to erase more than a handful of them still. why? coz it was in two separate folders on my saved messages. i dont know why i even saved them. it was the good and the bad messages. i dont know why i let them get stuck there.

roller coaster ride

it starts off with a blast. you are drawn at launch. you let yourself lose, you scream, you shout. you put your hands in the air, feeling the euphoria of the ride. then it stops, a sudden stop, then it launches you back into another loop.

then next thing you know, it is done.

and when its done, you get this sigh of relief. its made to end.

flexing brain cells

how do u do that? monday mornings make me feel weak. 

***

i dont know what title will be catchy enough for what i'll type right now, coz actually, there isnt any. this post is just to write down that i miss writing here and that i hate that i do not even have the slightest idea what i can write about. there are no topics, no sentences, nothing to talk about here, but there are a million things in my head that i want to talk about; i just cannot find those words to express these together.

i wish in the next couple of days, i can type up something for you all, to make up for this lame phase called slack.

some way to spend a quiet time

ive talked about phoebe a couple of time here, and today, she congratulated me for being home and i congratulated her for being online. at least we were able to have a chat session. i just found out that we chatted for an hour. wow! its really great to be able to talk to best friends. its nice to catch up and get to know more about each other on what details we've missed about each other, and to talk about life in general through different topics. we've grown mature with time, and its great to know we've survived life so far. its not a little comforting to talk to her, its soooo comforting. u get to know more about yourself too as you talk more. i find it a very nice process.

we hope to have more chats in the future. maybe a weekly chat will be good.

Post-Christmas Posts (2)

our friends are in the Philippines right now because a relative of theirs is getting married today. my aunt in the Philippines is also attending a wedding today. is it the same wedding? i am not sure. lets find out later. for now, i shall share something weird why i have to mention it.

two days after Christmas, the 27th, is this special day that i inducted to be the prospective day of when i want to get married. i have no clue why, neither do i have a special reason. i just want it that way... or i mean if given the chance i just want it that way. i dont like to get married on Christmas day, no special reason too, i just want it to be on the 27th, and that is regardless if it falls on a weekend (just like this year) or a weekday (just like in 2011).

so whatever, here's a site about Planning for a Wedding that is around Christmas-time.

a ****ing dilemma

its such a packing dilemma. i don't know what to bring...

i must admit

so there have been two bloggers from my other blog site who talked about this Colorgenics test and how freaky it was that it was quite revealing of your character. so then i tried it, out of curiosity.

the test starts of with showing you eight cubes of different colors. then it asks you to pick a color that u are most attracted to or that reflects u most. the first one i chose was blue, my favorite color. then it asks you to pick out the other seven colors as well but in a digressive fashion. so i clicked until i ended up with black. then it was the assessment. wait... wait... wait...and this is what it has to say about me.

when they said it was freaky, all i thought about was, "how did you know that?" but as much as i want to deny it to myself, i guess it was like looking at your reflection on the water and realizing that no matter how clear the water is, you will still see the dirt beneath it. indeed, things that i have tried to push aside have slapped me on my face again. wake up!

so 'tis the time when i say goodbye to my dreaded and biasedly hated semester, the time when i have to make a resolution for this coming year, and a time when i get to sit down and re-think what i have done this year.... or something like that.

but right now... i must make my gift list. (wait... i forgot that i still have three pages to go with that crazy paper. concentrate!!!)

i posted mine, what's yours?

there are 10 days more before Pacquiao vs De La Hoya and i would like to re-post the link for Nike Philippines' ad campaign (support site), for this fight. i placed the widget on the upper right hand of the site, so help yourself with clicking it and posting your words of support for Mr. Pacquiao. Go Manny!

curiosity killed a cat

but in this case it shouldnt be harmful. i mean, seriously, i dunno what good it will bring me. nothing, right? so what is this all about?
its a site called Help A Virgin.
what? its a site made by this guy who had a bet with his girl-friend, and if he gets 5M visits, he gets uhm... to be not a virgin anymore. so given those info, are u going to visit it or not?

i'll leave it up to you. =o)

volcano ready to erupt?

Ruapehu sunrise, originally uploaded by Kenny Muir.

maybe...