the end of a weekend

there are times when i hate Sunday's. Sunday's mean that the weekend is ending and its time for me to get back to my routine. there are times, such as today, when i chill out the whole day and realize that i enjoyed chilling out and this has got to end. why does this have to end?!?!

this weekend was not one of the fabulous weekends. for one, my grandma is leaving in five days and the possibility of me going back home also opened up on my mind again. i don't want to go back home yet i know that i need to and i would have to. while talking to my friend earlier, i got too giddy with her story that i wanted to be home. i wanted to be within that zone that she was talking about. i wanted to see how things unfold in her life myself. its too exciting that it makes you wish that you can warp yourself back home at times, and then be back here.

but life doesn't work that way.

you cannot choose to put your life inside a box and make your own life. you can make it, yes, but then there are some things that you have to sacrifice in order to get what u want. when i decided three years ago that i will live here instead of home, i chose to sacrifice a lot of things in my life. my family, my friends, everything that i lived with my whole life, i sacrificed them all. if i choose to go home by the end of this run, i will be sacrificing all that i have enjoyed during my stay here. family, friends, and all those little things that i get to enjoy every single day. i will miss them all.

i have been opening myself to the possibility of coming home. i don't know what prompted me with this thought, but i guess preparing for some of these possibilities allow you to be ready for what could be and what might be. at least you're wearing a seat belt, you've put your foot on the brakes, and slowed down ahead of time.