And the countdown begins...

its 31 days before another chapter in my life ends and a new one begins. i sound too cheesy here, but that is the truth. its not that 2010 is the new millennium, or that the number 6 has been instrumental in some of my pivotal moments (because almost 4 years ago, on 3/6/06, is when i started the chapter of the one that im just closing)... it just happened that way.

i cant believe thats how long it was yet it seems like yesterday. or maybe it wasnt really long ago, it wasnt ancient, yet time just moves fast giving us new things to learn, new stuff to deal with, and it just makes us grow and hopefully gain wisdom at each step. its just how life takes us, and we have to deal with it with open arms, open minds, and open hearts. (i love the seeming logic in what im writing, or the subtle philosophy, but i should go ahead and write).

when i come to think about things, i tell myself that i can sales-pitch myself for a good career/project proposal. i can get loans with the words i say, yet deep in me there's still this little voice that says, "i dunno what you're up to, chicken, but i think your words are vague." and that is true. as much as i try to make myself confident that i know what im doing, that im sure what i want, there's always this dark force that makes you doubt if you're even going to make it. im not sure if i have to blame Gemini for this thinking, but thats just how i am. i feel confident on one hand, and i feel anxious about tomorrow on the other. please tell me im normal.

its like that show i was watching though told me. maybe you've just put yourself too much on that pedestal, you've put that bar high that you want to achieve something to be competitive, but at the same time you beat yourself up when u dont feel like you've measured up. maybe sometimes you've got to take it easy and enjoy what life has to give. lets see how i'll put that into practice then.