Must've Done Something Right

Whenever you feel exhausted, you look back and think why you're doing things in that manner. Giving all your time, hard work, passion, energy-- you stop and think why put in all these effort. For what cause? For what purpose? For whose benefit do I do this for?

I'm in the world of public service and there is much expected of public servants. There are times that it breaks my heart when I on my capacity cannot comply on requests or anything like so. For example, in our everyday work, we encounter people who would ask for assistance for their medical needs and everyday living. You wonder sometimes why they ask for subsistence when they have able bodies that can contribute to the society and economy. Work in layman's term, is something that they can do to be able to make ends meet. Yet you begin to wonder, but the question in these people's minds might be also, can they get me a job which can provide for me and my family? I hope I have that ability.


Then there are the opportunists. People who try to have their whole lives and family depend on you (and other political offices for this case in my thoughts.) I had a message sent to my office email loop several weeks ago, ranting about a family who for our concern in this office, have depended the education and every trying sustenance of their family in our office and still want to exhaust us dry. Not that we have extended a six figure amount to this family, but a four figure value for education have been extended and there are others that we have to extend our hand to also. If advocacy will be our basis, I cannot even say that the course of the child is within our advocacy even. Hotel and Restaurant Management is not up our ante. AGHAM is Filipino for Science, but still we extended our hands because we didnt want a child to stop education especially when its her senior year in school.


Then there are those whose little gestures warm your heart so much.


One of our scholars for this Second Semester went back to our office and shared with us a couple of books as a thank you gesture for including her in our educational assistance program. She and her father thanked us a lot and wished us God's blessings in our everyday lives.


Requests are common in our office and we try to extend to some of them. A High School student whose mother sent us a request letter for her daughter's participation in an international competition. I took the letter and kept it with me for two weeks until after the Christmas holiday I took it out again and told the mother that she can pick up her request after the New Years. It has been a week and the holiday course got to me and made me forget a bit that I asked her to come by when office resumed. So when she came by I just took out a couple of what was left in the office budget and handed it over to the mom. It wasn't much, just a four figure amount that turns to two figures when you convert it to US dollars.


Three weeks ago, my office mate sent an email for a draft resolution commending students who won an international competition. We'd like to appreciate the representation that they did and the performance that they showed in the competition. Then I encountered one of the top medalists names. My short term memory forgot the first name of the child we helped but I said the last name sounded familiar. To make matters a little off, there was another child in the winners list who had a similar last name.


Yesterday the student dropped by. I never met the kid since it was her mother who went to our office before. She handed me a letter for my boss. After she left I opened the envelope and browsed through the letter. There I knew that she was the student we extended help to, and there I knew that she will be one of the recipients of the commendation we drafted.


In the letter she thanked my boss for extending help when they needed it most. It was a great experience to join a math competition and was extra sweet that she together with other students won the competition. As I read more of it, I cant help but feel warmed by this. The little things that you do for others can contribute greatly to some people.


As I think about her and all the other kids who we've helped, and all the other people we've extended our time, effort, thoughts, money and support to, I cannot help but appreciate the job I go to everyday. I entered  government service for the love/ appreciation of politics (as seen in my educational background) but once youre in it, you realize that there are deeper reasons to it. PUBLIC SERVICE... you appreciate it and it also can make you frustrated. The softy in me has that tendency to want to continue extending her hand to everyone who deserves it and feel the frustration when they start crying or getting mad at you because you cannot extend anymore. Because your well of opportunity only holds as much as it can handle at a given time. But this is where you get to toughen up also, discerning may be the better word for it, because there are people who take the opportunity to dry the well and still forget that they should be thankful for the little or big things that you've done for them.


I hope there is balance in life, truly, but when the opportunists of this world of public service tries to frustrate me, I will try to think of the ones whose lives we've touched and think of their little gestures that have made a big impact in my life, in our lives, and in how we continue to do this service.


We must've done something right to deserve the movers in our lives and in our hearts.

blog-a-boo

I've missed blogging. I've not written here in a long time and it seems I've lost touch to how you have to sound like in a blog. I remember how I like how I write on a blog but don't like my school essays. Now it seems like I like my twitter feeds more than the blog. Its the worst feeling because all you see are 140 characters and you're not sure if you've formed a senseless sentence or just a meaningless phrase.

I've got nothing against Twitter because its accessible and really easy to use. Plus I can read news faster than waiting for it to be printed on papers or be featured on nightly news. But it too is cryptic. Blog on the other hand has that free form that you can express in sentences, figures, and what not's what you've been thinking.

I just wanted to say that. In summary I just miss blogging. That is all.

translate this please

the work computer has the Google settings on Filipino and I cannot understand some of the words (really). so i was looking for a way to change the settings.

then this is what appears after using the HELP link...

Good luck to me then.

the year is near to a close

 its a week before Christmas and this is the time when we are all rushing to get our Christmas list done. unfortunately for me, I havent started one yet. I have gift ideas but I cannot figure out which to really give. I'd love to give everyone gifts but since getting my first paycheck, ive been saving for the rainy day, or in this case, im saving for 2012.

no, im not getting married.

im trying to save for another set of tuition and fees, thanks to graduate studies. this will be for real graduate studies. i still have to decide between law school or a masters course in either governance or politics, well those are all the options i have, and it is tough to think of. there are the career options open for either courses and the likelihood that i'll stick to what i really want. REALLY WANT is a debate right now as to WHAT THEY WANT. good to really ponder on for a long time.

so in the spirit of off-season (no work), i am given the chance to think of my future as a student again. as long as by this time next year, i should have taken entrance tests already, and that civil service exam by summer. oh, need to hit those books again i guess....

The Time That Has Passed Is Yet to be Revisited

 It hasn't been revisited.

Nah! I'm not really sure, but I think the least that I can do to not be fully indebted with my blog is just give ti a little time and write something on it. I've missed blogging for a long time, yet the lack of substance has offered me no choice but to avoid blogging until further notice.

And notice the use of the words "lack of substance", I am partly talking about mojitos and margaritas there.

My months have revolved from being self-centered to all-centered. I've been a human for everyone. Who knew it was a big responsibility? I'm not superwoman (oh no way!), but I've been much responsible for a lot of things than I could've imagined almost a year ago.

It's tough but I'm having quite some fun.

But you do realize that you want to turn back the clock and pick out the decision apart from what you've decided on. You start asking the different "what if's" and ask yourself, "would I have been better off that way?"

I never questioned my decisions, and I am happy to have decided the way I did and be on the shoes I'm wearing now. Yet there are times when you feel that there are gaps in your life that a professional career hasn't filled yet. There are questions in life yet to be answered, and there are places yet to be discovered.

At times I think I've made the wrong decision because I've given up on the me-centered life. In the midst of a hustle, its always nice to get back to having a quite fun loving life, a carefree life.

Yet I cannot live the always me-centered life. For one, its expensive and you need to live for the next day as well. Second, there's a need to grow up, and growing up involves leaving yourself and thinking about other people as well.

At present, I like the busy life. I get to spend time not thinking about me and just do what I have to do. Robots are designed that way, be busy. It's good sometimes because you get to make use of your youth at the service of others. You think of what you have to do the next day, and the next, and the following day. You think of it as not JUST the next day, but you get CHALLENGED that it is the next day.

retirement

i have forced my shoes to an early retirement, i realized as i walked the crazy sidewalk in the middle of Ortigas beside EDSA that it has to retire before it breaks down and lose its wonderful life in infinite sadness.

for all the long walks, the short walks, the lazy walks, the fast walks.
for all the jeans, the work pants, the reds, blues, whites, blacks
for all the traveling around the streets of Manila, to crossing the lanes of Ortigas
the strolls around Baltimore City and running with the crowd in New York City
or the feel of walking high in DC.
from the malls to the halls of the lower house
and basically, just for all the stress that i gave you, thank you.

and now, as i set the shoes back on the rack, i welcome a new pair of black shoes. Crocs (registered trademark) is a good pair for my feet, especially when they're a little high. its level, its comfort is something i trust when i walk around a lot. in my job, i do walk around a lot, and using this pair would surely help me... hopefully.

i'll tell you more later updates about my new pair.

sleep

 its 530pm on a Monday and I realized that I slept most of the day. i know i fell asleep at around 12 midnight last night after sipping some wine from the work party, then came home to drink my usual vitamins and then added the antihistamine. then i realized it was 9am. But that didnt stop there, coz next i realized it was 10am. wow! how did that happen? guess i fell asleep again. between 10 to 1045 i still had naps, until my mom called me and told me she was going to my grandma's. i didnt go with her but that was a cue that i have to wake up too. so some things in between (ie: check emails, watch TV, read tweets, post tweets, shower), at 12nn i was out of the door to the mall across my building to eat lunch. i felt like having spaghetti, due mainly to me celebrating my Uncle's birthday (noodles for long life they say), then I ate, met up with my mom for a bit, she had me run some errands for her, then I got a huge cup of coffee (thanks CBTL), then I was back inside my pad at 230pm.

then by 3pm, I was sleeping again and just woke up not too long ago.

right now, i feel like i just carried a luggage on my eyes. i still cant open it properly. this feeling cant absolutely be right. it feels really weird. I've never felt like a log in my whole life until now. a worthless log even. i guess im thankful that today our group didnt have an office yet or else i would've started my day way early. at least right now i can take a break, sleep, and do my homeworks when my stubborn eyes have cooperated with me. but it doesnt say that i dont feel like sh*t coz of this. when these things happen, u just feel like uve lost a chunk of ur life and unable to get it back.

or maybe to compensate for lost hours, i gotta stay awake the whole night. lets see how that goes then.

Writing

I've been wanting to write coz I surely miss it, yet what can I write about?

Honestly, I have three drafts and maybe a dozen other things to write about. My aim was to put up another blog site just to detail my rants and cheers to the Orioles but that never progressed due to (gasp!) lack of time. Yes, as much as I am "unemployed", I do not have enough time to deal with all the things I want to deal with. Why is it always like that? Coz when you are unemployed, you are everyones errand girl, you are everyones slave, you hear everyone say "can i ask you a favor?" (and you end up saying, "sure!").

I'm not ranting on those things really, its just that my hopes to put up a new blog was put on the side. I ended up throwing 140 characters (spaces included) on Twitter every 15 seconds. Sometimes, due to time difference, I end up sleeping during live games. Somehow I failed on my aim to practice my writing by pouring my heart out on something I like to do. Its tough being me (a reason that we always hear, right?).

Yet I have been doing writing lessons for kids these days. Wait, change kids to young adults. Its summertime and besides the need to polish my brothers writing, I wanted to gauge my cousins as well. Weeks ago, I asked them to write down five songs that they really like, and later on revealed to them the task at hand. They were fearful when they heard that they had to write. Write a three paragraph review of each song that they picked. I thought it was awesome, they thought otherwise. So I subjected five kids into writing without their permission? What happened afterwards is a nice study/ observation/ experiment for either behavior specialists or psychologists.

The youngest was the only one to accomplish five essays on the prescribed time period. My brother submitted his completed work three days after the prescribed time. My girl cousin finished the first essay right away, the second essay was submitted a day after the needed submission time, and essays 3 to 5 are not yet submitted. My two other cousins did not do anything, sadly.

It is such a hard task to impose writing to kids these days. With all the information on their hands, they do not make use of it by using their minds to analyze information and pour out their opinions about these. They pour out their energy using the internet as a means to play computer games, watch episodes of their favorite shows, and use social networking sites to know what the latest scoop on AI, on show business, or whats the latest emo song. It is tough being older and not seeing them spend their time doodling on paper, reading love stories or detective stories, writing phrases then sentences then essays. It is hard that they do not know how to properly express themselves in writing.

Writing for me is the best means to express oneself, and I do admit that I do get the moods too when writing. In numerous occasion I feel that anything I write does not make sense. It seems like I lack the complete thought or I was not able to equip my essay with words that makes itself understandable to the reader. I too encounter times when I do not feel like I am writing the way I should or that I lack the level of writing that I have put on myself. I always wish to be better, I wish to always improve my writing. But how do I even find out that I want to improve my writing?

BY WRITING, what else?

One of the tips in writing that I kept on telling them was that to know and improve how you write, you must write. There is no other way to know these things but to do it. You have to keep on doing it and have someone read it so you'll know how you fare. Later on you'll get the knack on writing and end up editing your own work because you have practiced it repeatedly. Writing is a trial and error process. Even the best writings can be improved by supplying better words or re-phrasing, whenever the need is there. Not only you exercise your writing skills but you exercise your brain, language skills, analytical skills.

It seems like a dead end task when they don't take things seriously as you do, but I am not giving up. I will think of ways to make them write, to let them understand that polishing their writing skills is important to do now than have their teachers criticize them. Oh Lord have mercy! Please shine the light on them.

roller coaster ride

it starts off with a blast. you are drawn at launch. you let yourself lose, you scream, you shout. you put your hands in the air, feeling the euphoria of the ride. then it stops, a sudden stop, then it launches you back into another loop.

then next thing you know, it is done.

and when its done, you get this sigh of relief. its made to end.

4/15 (4)

is it still early to say that we are going to lose? i mean, we have 3 runs and Rangers have 12, and its what? top of the 5th? lets see whats up maybe... i hope for perfect slates but if we cannot have perfect slates, maybe 2/3 games is better than none. =) but im ssssttttiiiiilllll hoping for something good.

and for some entertainment, here are some doodles from my notebooks (yes, notebooks).

4/3

 its official. im on Spring Break. =D

beating the buzzer

*** as i was typing the title to this post, my buzzer just went off.***
i like beating the buzzer, but then there is this buzzer i hate being ahead of coz it means that i'll be tired later on the day. its called the alarm clock. my phone has a better alarm sound now where the sound is booming but subtle to the ears, not one that you'd like to crush for giving you a heart attack. i can even set it that the radio will wake me up to some cool sounds, but after several attempts to listen to cool sounds, all i get was the static radio waves that makes you think of any scary movie that the ghost will show up at any time.

so today i did set my alarm so i can wake up pretty early to finish up some studying. its usually better for me to study like this, well rested, much determined to get things done. but then i woke up at 4:37am wanting to go back to sleep! i was ahead of this damn thing again by an hour and a half! sheesh! it shouldve been nice because you can get things done, but if you sleep at around 12 midnight, then things get a little different. u realize that u have to sit on 1.5 hour lectures for three subjects and you feel like praying that you will not fall asleep in class.

now, im blogging. the bad thing about in between studying. the up side to this? hey! this sounds okay than my previous posts. oh well!

PS: My Boys on TBS will start today at 1030pm. Why do they show this late?

***

i dont know what title will be catchy enough for what i'll type right now, coz actually, there isnt any. this post is just to write down that i miss writing here and that i hate that i do not even have the slightest idea what i can write about. there are no topics, no sentences, nothing to talk about here, but there are a million things in my head that i want to talk about; i just cannot find those words to express these together.

i wish in the next couple of days, i can type up something for you all, to make up for this lame phase called slack.

that radio player, or something like that on your right side that has a playlist

 i just noticed that the music player looks different! congratulations!

ok, i posted for this day. good bye. =D