Life's Battles

I write this tonight before a very scary process that my dad has to undergo. I've been hiding all these feelings of fear and keep on showing strength when in fact all I am is just a person hiding in a mask of denial.

I am but weak too.

My dad will have his first chemotherapy session and radiation session tomorrow. Both at the same time as they have to do aggressive treatments to fight a "curable" lung cancer. According to the doctor its Stage 4 given the presence of cells in Rib#8, but if basing it only on the cluster found on the lungs as seen from the PET Scan, it is Stage 3.

I know Dad is scared too. He's shown concern about losing his strength, his hair, and just him. I cry as I think about him thinking that. He always thought he's Superman I guess, and when I was growing up, I do think of him as that too.

Who wouldn't? I mean, he's dad. The father of the house. The man who can carry several boxes at the same time, and eat whatever he wants, and just be the boom boom boom Dad in the house. He's a gentle giant also as he is soft-spoken (often) and just kind-hearted. He and Mom are not opposites but I can say they complement each other. Mom story next time maybe.

But the last few months have unfolded to be really challenging. There are a lot of challenges and this journey to knowing that its cancer has been such a crazy ride. It has practically depleted resources, left us staring at the ceiling looking for answers, but more importantly have expanded our friend network into prayer warriors, and families to be tighter than those herrings inside the sardines can.

The last few months have also made us resort to leaving things to God. He has a purpose for all these, and we know He is by our side in this journey, and maybe, just maybe, this is one of the things that I have to do. Live to say my praise to HIM for HIS untiring, endless love for us as we keep on treading the road in search of answers. Psalms 27:1 says that "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom should I fear? The Lord is my life's refuge, of whom should I be afraid?" Indeed, this is just cancer, right? Cancer is just part of our life journey in embracing life and making God a part of us embracing life.

There are a few other things that has happened the past few months which I cannot disclose, it leaves me weak and know that I am a frail human being. But in the end, even if my whole being wants to keep on throwing up on all that makes things tough, I stop and still look UP knowing that HE is there by our side, always.