panic attack

for the last hour i just messed up my whole room again looking for a single document that is not in my binder. i almost vomited. when i have anxiety attacks, i always feel like vomiting, and the feeling was no different to being late for work or something like that. it was not only about anxiety, it was the panic feeling that surged into my whole body. the feeling that how can i be so stupid to overlook placing that document in its right place.

i knew what the document was about, its just that i thought i didnt look at it too much that i had the faintest memory how it looked like. i examined each paper i had in my binder, it wasnt what i was looking for. i re-examined it, thinking that i just might be sleepy that i overlooked it. nope! i really cant find it. so i got all the boxes and document cases that i put my stuff into. i knew i brought it in my trip to Florida, since i needed that one in case something gets messed up. but did i drop it somewhere? i looked at all my binders, the plastic bags with some Florida stuff, and the last one i opened was a box full of useless stuff. and there it was in the middle of that box.

now im placing it again together with my travel stuff, and i promise that when i get back, i need to place it together with my other documents. i dont want another wild night with a lot of panic in my brain.